


tout oublier

by Stars_dreaming (orphan_account)



Series: 88 MCU drabbles and oneshots [67]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angel Wings, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Battlefield, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Character Death, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love Confessions, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Unrequited Love, Wings, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 14:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18704047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Stars_dreaming
Summary: The fight comes too soon.They’re not ready and they know it – and yet, they go.Everyone is battered and bruised, and there are too much bodies, but it’s okay, because they’re together.





	tout oublier

She doesn’t mean for it to happen.

It just – it just does.

 

Captain America asks for her help to track down his brainwashed friend, and she says yes, enchanted as she is.

Nick warns her, on the phone, when she tells him where she’s going.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” she snaps at him. And he just sighs. “I know, I know.” He says. A beat of silence. Then, “Be careful.” The line goes dead, and she knows it’s once in a million lifetimes that Nick shows her emotions like that.

She doesn’t take it for granted.

 

Sam is a great guy, and Natasha is just same old Nat.

The boys are not surprised that they know each other – after all, they’re both S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. (At least, Natasha _was._ Y/N still is)

 

Barnes doesn’t leave much trails, but he leaves enough for Nat and Y/N to figure out that he’s doing it on purpose.

Sam disappears sometimes, and it doesn’t take Y/N long to figure out that Barnes and Sam are meeting up.

She doesn’t mention it, but she gives Sam a look to make sure he knows that she knows.

 

Natasha goes back to New York to be with Tony and the others and Y/N gets called soon after for a level nine clearance mission.

(After that, she wakes up screaming for two weeks in a row)

(She doesn’t go alone to a Hydra base anymore)

 

* * *

 

 

Of course she has a crush on Captain fucking America.

Maybe not really Cap. Just Steve Rogers, who is a little shit and who eats way too much unhealthy shit.

 

So when he calls her one night, saying that he needs her, she knows it’s too late.

They sleep together – _of course_ they do – and then Y/N wakes up and she is out of there.

She takes on a level ten clearance mission with Nick and they travel through the dessert for two months before finding Hydra’s facility.

(She still has nightmares about that one. She can’t shake the images out of her head)

He calls her occasionally and they talk about Barnes. They don’t talk about what happened between them and Y/N’s pretty sure she’s falling in love with the guy, but she doesn’t say and she does what she does best.

She runs like hell.

 

She takes a mission with another agent in Canada where they have to pretend to be married for _three months._

She doesn’t think she can do it until she meets him, and he makes her forget about all the shit surrounding them.

But even though they sleep together, and they lay next to each other in the same bed, she can’t forget about Steve.

 

Then she takes on a radio silent mission in Mongolia, and she stays tucked away in her own corner of the world for almost three months.

When she returns, everyone is angry, and everyone is pointing fingers at each other.

 

Steve calls her one evening.

“Join the Avengers,” he says. “We need you. I need you.”

She almost laughs, but she doesn’t. She huffs. “I’ll think about it.” _I’d rather not get caught up in your shitty arguments,_ she doesn’t say, but he knows.

 

Sam goes off after Barnes again, and this time the others stay home because New York needs them.

Y/N grows to like Tony. He picks up on her unrequited love pretty fast and sits her down and grins at her. “We’re a sad bunch,” he says.

 

When Sam returns home, they bond over flying and having wings. He’s the first one she shows her wings too. It’s an incredibly intimate and beautiful moment, and afterwards they end up tangled in the sheets of his bed.

They both just needed the comfort. She does kiss him goodbye, though, and she thanks him silently.

 

* * *

 

 

Everything goes to shit once the Sokovia Accords turn up.

Y/N takes one look at them and she thinks, _I should have stayed home. Wherever that is._

She doesn’t cry, but she does break a punching bag.

 

It’s tense, in the Compound, and Y/N watches her family fall and break apart, slowly.

And she doesn’t know whose side she’s on.

Steve? The man who she’s in love with?

Tony? Her friend, the person who understands her so well?

In the end, she doesn’t choose.

They’re fighting again and she gets a message from Nick.

 

_Need u at HQ. Omega mission._

It says. She gets up and everybody stops and looks at her. “Good luck guys,” she says, and she walks out.

 

It’s a mostly radio silent mission, with the remnants of S.H.I.E.L.D. that are still above the ground. Maria and Nick don’t fight with her and they accept her.

It’s right then and there that she realizes that no matter what happens, they will be her family first.

 

* * *

 

 

Steve calls, once. He says that they won’t speak to each other for a long time.

“You’re going to do something stupid,” she sighs, shaking her head.

“Maybe.”

Silence. She wants to cry.

“Take care of Sam,” she says. “He’s not like you and he needs someone.” _Please be careful,_ she adds in her mind.

 

She calls Sam twice, and they text (they’ve done that a lot before the Accords).

He tells her about Lagos.

“I’m glad you didn’t die,” she tells him, and then she hangs up.

 

Later, however, she messages him.

 

_Please be careful._

She says. And then,

 

_I can’t lose you too._

She and the others split up – Nick and Maria go back to New York and Y/N stays.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s not radio silent anymore, and she calls Nat when she’s making tea.

“I can’t believe the Avengers are breaking up because of this,” Y/N says. Nat huffs in the phone. “I can’t believe you’re not here.”

Y/N laughs. “It’s better if I’m not, Nat. I don’t want to be there when it happens.”

Nat waits before answering.

“We miss you.”

“Hmm,” Y/N answers. “Give Tony and Sam a hug and a kiss from me.”

“I will. Be careful.”

“You too,” Y/N says, and then the line goes dead.

 

Hydra takes her exactly two hours later.

 

* * *

 

 

When she’s back on American soil with Nick, she learns about the fight between the Avengers that escalated.

Rhodey’s legs are gone.

Vision, Tony and Rhodey are the only ones left.

She wants to visit them, but she passes out soon after, so that’s a no-go.

 

Nick is amazing, when he tells her Steve broke the other Rogues out of the Raft. They’re somewhere in the Maldives now, in a safe house he provided for them.

She doesn’t even need to ask, and he simply kisses her forehead and makes her promise to be alright. She makes him promise the same and leaves.

(It will be the last time she sees him)

 

* * *

 

 

When Steve opens the door, gun in his hands, he does not expect her to be standing there.

His eyes widen and she wishes she could laugh, but she can’t. Everything still hurts and she’s painfully aware of the new scars and wounds on her face.

She’s wearing sunglasses, though, to cover her worst mistake.

He lets her in without words, and she barges into the living room.

Barnes isn’t there, but Scott and Wanda and Clint and Sam and Nat are.

Sam jumps up when he sees her, and they hug; cling to each other like the other is a lifeline.

 

Nat scolds her in Russian and Clint asks her if she forgot how to fly.

She flinches. “They made me forget for a while,” she whispers, and that’s all it takes for him to hug her so tight she can’t breathe.

 

Nat leaves soon after, and Y/N knows she should too, but she stays anyways.

At least until Tony calls forth his team of lawyers and gets Sam, Clint and Scott home.

Steve and Wanda can’t come home, but Steve smiles and says it’s alright.

She kisses him on his cheek when they leave.

 

* * *

 

 

When she sees him again, it’s because she’s in the Compound with Rhodey when he arrives.

She kisses Nat’s cheek and hovers by Sam’s side until they’re in Wakanda.

Then she sees Barnes for the first time. He’s smiling, and he gives Steve a hug.

She walks next to Sam. They don’t talk, but he tugs her close and puts an arm around her shoulders.

 

The fight comes too soon.

They’re not ready and they know it – and yet, they go.

She follows them, above in the sky, unsure of what to do.

When they stop, far away from the barrier, it stays silent.

Thanos’ army reaches the barrier and she can see his best soldiers there – the ones who attacked Vision for the Mind Stone.

And that’s when she knows. Determination settles on her face and she lets herself fall.

Her wings flap in time to keep her floating above the soldiers, and she hears a few gasps and whispers.

Steve looks over his shoulder at her, and he smiles in a way that is just so Steve her heart aches.

 

Before the barrier opens, Sam holds her. He presses his lips to her forehead.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers, and she nods, because she doesn’t know what to do if it won’t.

 

“Are you an angel?” Barnes asks her when she swoops in and saves him from six of those horrible creatures.

She puts him on the ground and laughs.

“I’m far from an angel,” she tells him. Then she goes up in the air again, and there’s a grin on her face because there’s nothing better than flying. ( _“You’re the White Angel, right?!” He shouts after her. She doesn’t answer_.)

 

It’s over too soon.

“Sam!” She yells – screams, even.

“Sam! Sam!”

And then she sees it – the dust floating in the air.

She lands behind Steve, who’s fallen to the ground. Natasha is next to him, with her hand on his shoulder. He says something she can’t quite grasp, and she staggers backwards. Her wings help her remain standing, but her heart feels like it was just ripped out of her chest.

Dust. They’re dust.

What about Tony? What about… Clint? Clint’s family? All those children and all those families?

 

* * *

 

 

Five years.

Five years she waits, imagining Sam’s voice and his hugs and just… just Sam.

She tries to lead the remains of S.H.I.E.L.D. and it works for a while. They don’t have much but they try to make something out of it.

And every time she sees Steve it hurts a little less.

 

Nat’s death doesn’t hit her like the shockwave she thought it would be.

Maybe it’s also because she already knew what the bargain was.

And well – this is what Nat wanted. Peace. Rest. Do something for the greater good.

For Clint, maybe. For their family.

 

So Y/N holds Clint and they cry for as long as they can.

 

Tony makes the glove and they stand in the lab behind his shield. Y/N looks at Bruce and blinks the tears away. _Please make it work,_ she thinks.

 

Thanos is a dick, she decides from her spot on the ground.

There’s blood everywhere and she’s pretty sure she’s broken something, but she’s sore everywhere, so she can’t really tell.

 

“Motherfucker,” she curses when Steve gets Mjolnir.

For a fleeting moment, she thinks about Nick and Maria. _Am I going to see them again?_

And she thinks about Sam. Nat. Phil. The families they lost. The friends she lost.

 

The family she had that broke apart and came together again.

 

When she hears Sam say ‘on your left’, her heart leaps.

He flies out of the portal, and she smiles. He lands next to her and helps her up.

“You’re back,” she whispers. He grins at her – the toothy grin that she loves. _Shit,_ she thinks. _Loves. Loves._ As in – she’s _in love_ with Sam. She’s in love with Sam!

She smiles back at him, squeezes his hand and tries to tell him she loves him without words.

 

“…assemble,” Steve says softly, and then everyone surges forward. She and Sam jump into the sky and they take out two giants. She high-fives him in passing and passes Valkyrie on her Pegasus.

 

It goes pretty well, actually.

As far as a battle like this can go, anyways. Everyone is battered and bruised, and there are too much bodies, but it’s okay, because they’re together.

And they can do everything together.

 

* * *

 

 

She shields Sam with her own wings when Thanos lets his ships rain down fire at them. It hurts like hell, but she doesn’t move.

Sam looks at her.

“I missed you,” he then says softly. She smiles at him. “I missed you too.”

He cups her cheek, and she understands. She takes his hand. “I…” she pauses, and her wings take a heavy hit, because they start hurting like hell.

She hisses in pain and closes her eyes. _We could die here,_ she thinks.

 

And then she understands Nat.

She feels so calm. And she knows that she’s not going to make it out alive, but that doesn’t matter, because the rest will.

She’s done what she could – she lived her life and she laughed, and she loved.

 

And she knows she’s made peace with death a long time ago.

 

And because she’s going to die, she smiles at him. “I love you, Sam.” She says. He smiles at her, a smile so sweet her heart swells. He leans in and kisses her. Something new blooms inside her, and she feels a pang of guilt for not noticing this before.

But she is glad that they got to share what they got to share.

 

She can sense what Tony’s going to do before he can, and so she hits him on the head and tells him to move. He gives her a grin, and she shoots up in the sky again. She meets Sam up there. He throws one of those monsters on the ground. She leans in to capture his lips again, and he holds her for a few seconds. “I love you,” she sighs against his lips, like a goodbye. Then she lets him go, and she drops down.

 

* * *

 

 

When Thanos snaps but nothing happens, she’s suddenly very glad that she stole Tony’s watch a few hours ago.

She lifts her gloved hand, and Thanos looks at her, utterly horrified.

She can hear Tony yelling at her, but she only smiles. She remembers Nat’s words (Clint had recited them to her, word for word)

 _It’s okay,_ she says to herself. _Let go. Let go._

“And I,” she says, pausing for dramatics (sue her, she wants to go out with a pop), “am,” again a beat of silence.

“The White Angel.”

She snaps her fingers. Something inside her turns and twists, and she can feel her breath stutter. Everything starts turning to dust – all of Thanos’ army disappears. He staggers backwards as he looks around.

Y/N smiles.

_Let go. Let go. It’s okay. Let go._

 

Sam lets her lean against the wood – is it wood? She doesn’t know.

He is choking up as he caresses her cheek.

Tony pushes his way through the people.

“Y/N!” He yells, and she can hear that he’s angry.

As soon as he sees her, he stops in his tracks. Then he falls to his knees in front of her. Pepper stands behind them. The young Spider kid stands next to her.

His eyes are full of sorrow and she feels angry that he had to grow up so fast.

 

Clint is next, and he kneels next to her and takes her other hand. Sam’s head is against her chest and he’s crying with sobs that wreck through his body.

“Hey,” she says. He sniffles. “It’s okay.” Understanding dawns on his face. She’s repeating Nat’s words.

“You did it,” Clint whispers. “You did it. We won, Y/N. We won. Don’t- don’t go. Please.”

She turns her head to look at Sam, who pulls away and wipes away his tears. He is in control of his breathing again.

He kisses her, lips soft and warm. “It’s okay,” he whispers to her. “You can rest now. It’s okay. Y/N. Rest.”

His warm hand is on her cheek, and the love in his eyes is the last thing she remembers before her head lulls to the side and everything fades away.

 

* * *

 

 

“You are a dramatic little shit,” she hears Nat say. She spins around in the flower field and smiles at her friend – _sister,_ she corrects herself immediately. They are family, after all.

She grins, a wide, toothy grin.

Nat pulls her close.

“And you stole my lines.”

Now she laughs as Nat jabs her in the side.

“I need to follow big sister’s lead,” Y/N says with a big smile, and Nat smiles too, a bit softer.

 

Years later, they’ll stand in the same flower field together, waiting for the others to come their way.

For now, they can be a family.


End file.
